There is an Everlasting Love, One that is not Self-Based
Sri Amma Bhagavan says Love in Relationships Moves in Cycles & Changes
The love that you talk about and the love that I talk about are very different. So when you say “God is love” that love is different from when you say “I love my wife.” Very different. So all that the mind is putting forth, they are subject to some laws. The love that I am talking about is not emanating from the mind. Therefore it’s something very different. The love that you are talking about is “my wife, my son, my daughter.” The self is involved. So this is subject to some laws. What are these laws? One basic law is ‘you will fall by that very same thing by which you rose.’ So this love, through which your bond rose, became strong and grew, has to dissipate, has to disintegrate. It can’t escape that law. That very love, that very attraction, will cease to be attractive.
That very attachment would become a burden. It has to happen and it will perish. Like a seed becomes a tree and the tree becomes a seed, that is, it gives flowers and fruits in a season, then the tree perishes. All things go in cycles. So if you rise through violence, you will perish through violence. So all these things move in cycles. So you are attracted to a woman: that kind of attraction is attachment, possession, making using of people. That’s the love you are talking about. So it goes on, and as it flowers, then naturally it must perish. So it’s all perfect. I don’t see anything wrong with it. If you discover that other kind of love we are talking about, that is everlasting of course. It is not subject to these cycles, because it is not self-based. Yours is self-based. Whatever is self-based will move in cycles. The yin-yang of them would take over. It would go round and round. So that’s why when people come and tell me, “We were once in love, now we are not in love.” I just ask them, “How many years?” “Two years, four years, seven years.”
“What can we do for it, not to be over?” So it is no surprise. Of course we can do some kind of damage control. But it is gone. The charm is gone, unless you are very mature and you can see the other person differently. Now you must find other reasons to become attached to the person. Youmust find some newer things in the person. Then you get a new lease on life. But the old thing is gone.
The old things have got to go. You know, the mind has got used to it. Once the mind gets used to it, there is no more interest. It just drops it. It needs continuous becoming, continuous challenges. Only that way it can survive. That is the nature of the mind and that nature has not changed for the last two million years. It’s exactly the same. Continuous becoming has to be there.
Now we are talking of being, which is very different. You are caught up in the becoming more, just to continuously become, become, become. You must verily adapt at changing that. Now you love your wife because she is young and beautiful. Now you love her because she is wise. Then you love her because she has got money. Now you love her because she has served you. So you have to keep changing intelligently, or you must come to some wise people like our Dasas who are not married but know all these things and who can do some repair work, for sure. That is how you have to manage the whole situation. Many people actually learn these things. It comes to them very naturally. If it does not, you need help.