Sri Bhagavan's Response on How to Resolve Them Might Surprise You
Why does it feel so difficult to set the relationships right with one's own family? Is it Karma? Could you tell us something about family and collective Karma and what to do about it? SRI BHAGAVAN: "This problem of relationship must be handled at three levels. At the first level you could use the teachings. Now very often we have bad relationships because we have been conditioned wrongly and we do not have certain insights. So the teaching would help you there. For example, he teaching says: To have good relationship start with yourself, not with the other. See who you are, accept yourself as you are and love yourself as you are. When this happens very naturally the other person would see you as you are, would accept you as you are, would love you as you are. I will give you an example for this. Some time ago a couple came to meet us and they had very bad relationship. So the lady said, 'this man is a drunkard and I cannot live with him'. And the man said, 'she is a flirt and I cannot live with her'. That was their problem. So we told them, 'look, here we do not work on the other, we work on oneself'. So we took up the case of the flirt and we said look, 'we are not going to transform him who is a drunkard; we are going to transform you'. So what you should do is see, look into yourself as to why you are a flirt; you must see that. Having seen that accept that - 'yes I am a flirt'. Accept it. Once you accept it, you will start loving yourself, 'yes I am a flirt, this is what I am'. And you fall in love with yourself. Now then this happens very naturally. We were actually working with her, and she began to see that man as he is, as to why he is behaving the way he is behaving. She accepted him as he is, and she loved him as he is. She did not ask that he must give up drinking. Because she accepted herself and fell in love with herself, she accepted him and loved him. That happened to her. The drunkard on other hand, he was looking into himself, he saw why he was drinking, that he is a drunkard. He accepted that and he fell in love with himself. Once he did that, he could also accept her as a flirt, and accept and love her also. Now we did not change the flirt into something else nor the drunkard into something else. They accepted themselves. Therefore, they could accept each other. But something strange happened after that. She ceased to be a flirt and he ceased to be a drunkard. But our object was only helping them to accept themselves and love themselves. So teaching can help like that. The other thing is in relationships we build up images. Suppose you get married you start building up images about your wife and the wife about the husband. It can happen between any two people. There after the images start relating and you stop experiencing the person. Then also relationship dies. So in many ways teachings can help you but that is still only the first level. Sometimes whatever you might do, the mind gets stuck. It will be playing the record again and again and again. For 20 years he will be repeating the same thing without any change. That also destroys relationship. You will say ten years ago you did this, twenty years ago you did this. The record goes on and on and on. To stop that you must give a powerful deeksha which can shift the mind into another dimension. There deeksha comes into play and helps you. Now that also may not work always, in which case you must go into Karma. Karma would mean what happened at the moment of conception? What were your mother's thoughts when you were being carried in the womb? What happened in the womb and how exactly you were delivered, the first six hours after delivery? And, sometimes you might have to go into past lives. So, at that level we can solve any problem. So first you start applying the teaching. Next you try deeksha. With the teaching if it is solved, fine. Otherwise use deeksha. If that does not work, then move on to find out Karma. For Karma, all that you must do is, you must relax well, move into the hypnogogic state, the state between waking and sleep -move into that state. Take a blessing from the SRI MURTHI and say 'Please AMMA BHAGAVAN show me where the problem is'? We will rewind the tape and we will exactly show you what went wrong where. We will pinpoint the problem, i.e., your Karma and then we will rework it. Once we rework it, the entire thing will start off in just twenty-four hours. So that is how you have to handle the problem of relationships. Step by step, you have got to move."